I don’t really want to talk about this. It is an unfortunate necessity, however, so that I may get it out and move on to more interesting things.

As the title alludes, I was let go from my job today. A part of the unwashed 10% deemed slightly more expendable than others. It’s a surreal and disorienting experience, not something I’ve had the displeasure of dealing with before.

A head count reduction. It’s a euphemism I’m quite fond of.

I am not so much concerned about the entire event. It was a numbers game. There was a greater than one in ten chance and, lacking a desire to move on to management within that particular corporate structure, I was a low hanging target. I was well aware that it was a possibility and prepared, even if my own ego deluded me from accepting that it could happen. The exact whys are unimportant to me right now.

I am more concerned about the future.

This isn’t a woe-is-me type situation where I’m concerned about finding gainful employment. The avenues that I can explore are many. I’m more concerned about how I fix the problems that cropped up over my tenure.

The first, and perhaps most serious, has been my weight gain. In a little over five and a half years my weight has gone up by well over 25 pounds. The environment is one that lends itself to as little movement as possible. This is not unique to the office I just left. They are cultures lead by food. Having a donut store directly across the street and my own habit of eating out daily has put me in the awkward position where I no longer feel like I own my own body.

I was willing to let this go as I had quit smoking. Food filled the yawning void in my life left by cigarettes. That’s true. It’s also true that I quit smoking three years prior to starting with the company. At some point allowing it on these grounds becomes a platitude you use to justify behaviour you know you need to modify.

The next is sitting all day. To be fair, I did try to remedy this one. In my first two years I had a hydraulic desk and spent many work hours on my feet. That went away when I changed departments. In the last year I’ve been working to try to get more time on my feet. I’ve set up a standing solution for my netbook at home but work was resistant to assist.

I understand the rationale; it’s expensive to install hydraulic desks, it’s expensive to move hydraulic desks, and as soon as one person has one then everyone wants one. It’s a ‘me too’ pile on. I was informed that I would need to have a doctor’s note before they would consider installing a standing desk for me. It seemed like a hurdle disproportionate the problem I was trying to resolve. I let the issue alone.

The final is working toward satisfying my needs and not just my requirements. I liked the job. I wouldn’t say I was particularly fond of the specific work I was doing. I really liked the product. Not so much a fan of the corporate structure behind it.

In many ways I knew it was time to move on. Lacking the aforementioned desire to move on up to management I had reached the limits of what I was interested in achieving. I’d been in a position where I had every intention to start looking toward employment where I could start to address these three significant issues in my life. This all came with the luxury that I could do these things in my own time. That is no longer the option it once was.

I plan to tackle these things but I’m now on a truncated timetable. The severance I received was adequate and I have some time to work these things out but it is now starkly defined. In many ways this is better than the nebulous “in the future” I was working on before. In others, it’s terrifying looking in the future and being unable to see what’s waiting.

david shute - 25.07.11 @ 22:26 - permalink